Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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