Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
