OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
