Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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