just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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