I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
