even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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