you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
