Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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