We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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