At least make sure they are 18
Why
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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