My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
