I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My balls are so social today.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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