Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
