Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize