didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
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We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
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apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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