And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
