Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
