My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
