I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
