Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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