If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
