There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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