I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Don't EVER smell your tampon
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
