It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
