Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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