I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
