we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book