I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
