every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
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he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
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We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.