Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.