Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(618): View more from Illinois

i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.

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(951): View more from California

I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(978): View more from Massachusetts

I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her

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(740): View more from Ohio

I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.

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(415): View more from California

Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.

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(515): View more from Iowa

as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale

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