12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine