Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
