apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
