you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I stole a fireplace last night.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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