connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
