would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
