It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
