also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
