After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
