OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
