C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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