That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
