i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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