i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm like, not good at living.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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