i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
