That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize
