just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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