I accidentally had phone sex last night
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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