remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
