y did u give ur computer a hand job?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Vodka?
Forever.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
