If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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