she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
