I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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