the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
