i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
