i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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