IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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