I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
