why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
