I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
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I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
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Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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