Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
