Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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