but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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