I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
