come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
