Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
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Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
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The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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