A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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