let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
