I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
