I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
