do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This is the high leading the old right now
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
