I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
