highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I need moral support for this bender
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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