I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
