i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
