Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
