I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
