so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
